So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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