guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
