I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
