I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
