Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
