I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
