worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
