apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize