Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
