Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
