Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
