Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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