Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm at about main and main street
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
