Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
