Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
