You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
