I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
These tits shall not be calmed
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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