I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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