it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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