what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
