you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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