I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So vagazzling was a success
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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