so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
