There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
