i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm passing your future prison.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
