all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
