I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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