When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she smelled like a LAN party
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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