i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
