it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
