i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
