that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
