Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
