i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
