I wish you could order shots online.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
