At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
