i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you traded sex for a burrito?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
