Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
