It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
