I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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