No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
