how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
