I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize