You smell like a Billy Joel song
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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