a queef is a wish your heart makes.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Two words: nipple clamps
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