We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you still have your period?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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