My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
