glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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