OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
