Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Ketchup is God's man juice
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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