I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
