you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
