If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
