The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
