He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
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It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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