She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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