Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
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