You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
