Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
