Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
