looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
