Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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