1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
another moral hangover. fuck.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We talked him into tasing himself.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
