No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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